amansgottadowhat | 15-in ur pumkin patch, destroyin ur childhood

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Current Location: Pumpkin patch

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15-in ur pumkin patch, destroyin ur childhood

[Voice/Video Post]

[He is pretty thoroughly covered in pumpkin bits, and seems out of breath] I-It was terrible. There was this huge pumpkin, it had some sort of great big symbol on its front. I don't know where it came from, but . . .

But it carried a blue blanket that seemed to belong to a child! The fiend. It must have gotten to him before I could get to it. [He directs his next line, rather unnecessarily, towards the sky.] My finishing blow was for YOU small, helpless child! [and then, more normally, as he lays the blanket down, almost like a grave] I'm so exhausted, but- I shall lay this down here, in memoriam.

Unless there is someone else that requires my help, I think I need to lay down. [If you strain very, very hard, you can hear a mumbled 'and a shower' before the feed gets cut off.]

[OoC: NO, I DID NOT MAKE A THINLY VEILED REFERENCE TO "IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN," WHY DO YOU ASK?]

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How.. heroic.

Oh, thank you, sir. I only regret not being able to save him sooner. I just- [choked what-sounds-like-a sob]

.. I'm sure he thanks you for avenging him.

I- well, yes, of course.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I am Captain Hammer. You are?

Captain Hammer, hmm...?

I'm Raikov. It's a pleasure to meet such a brave man like yourself.

Raikov. It's very nice to meet you, too.

You're not from around here, are you? Well, not the City around here. You know. America.

You are correct.

I see. What country and what year do you hail from?

Mmm, why should I tell you?

Just mild curiosity on my part is all, Raikov.

If you must know, I'm from the Soviet Union.

I see. You're from Russia.

Da.

[Damn, the Commies have started to invade! If Raikov starts to hear Hammer speaking to him louder and slightly more slowly, it is not his imagination.] Well! I hope that you have found, our hos-pi-tal-i-ty here to be, to, your, liking!

... I know English, Captain.

Of course, of course you do. Just a little American humor, is all. The guys on the force loved it.

American humor, huh? Got any other jokes?

Well, I suppose there's always 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

Why would a chicken be crossing a road?

To get to the other side.

... Huh?

It's an American joke.

Well, it sucks.

[This looks oddly familiar. Penny's childhood cries.]

You were attacked by a pumpkin?

[No one would have any idea why. The pumpkin was probably bringing gift, or perhaps Hammer made it all up and just stole some blanket lying around.] Yes! It was very big.

Oh, but Penny, I do hope that you're in a safe location, there's all sorts of evil in this pumpkin patch.

I... yeah. It looks like it was.

Totally safe, no pumpkin patches, no evil--I'm good. You might want to get out of there, though. There's buzzing on the network about zombies and stuff in there.

That is good to hear. I shall try and get out as soon as possible. Where are you now?

At the welcome center.

Hey, Hammer? We need to talk. Really talk. When it's a good time for you.

Good, I'm glad that you're out of harm's way. I'd never want anything bad to happen to you. Ever.

Of course, Penny. Whenever's good for you is good for me, but- perhaps after I know that all the citizens here are safe and accounted for.

It's a liiittle late for that, but thanks?

Okay. After that. Right, thank you.

Indeed.

Be careful.

...did a pumpkin explode all over you?

[ooc: Inara is dying. I couldn't not comment]

Well, in a manner of speaking. After I punched it.

[OoC: With laughter I hope?]

I...well I that would explain your current state.

[ooc: yeees. Do you mind if she remarks how like someone else he looks? She won't fourth wall per say, just notice the resemblance.]

It does. Does the lady have any other questions for me?

[OoC: Not at all! In fact, he likes fourth-walling (up to giving away the ending), and he's been confused by the Buffy cast a few times already, so go for it.]

Not really. I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners. My name is Inara Serra and you Sir, look remarkably like someone else I know.

Well, Inara, it is simply lovely to meet you.

Is that so? Who might that be?

The pleasure is mine.

A man named Malcolm Reynolds. Your manners are better than his.

Well, if he can't have my personality, at least he's got some looks to him, hm?

A child? How horrible!

Indeed. You share the same sentiment as I do. Of course, in the face of such a tragedy, who wouldn't?

Has anyone located the unfortunate parents?

I neither know who the child was, nor if they had parents here, but I do intend to go to the police about it.

That is a wise idea, I think. That poor child...those poor parents. I cannot imagine how I would feel if anything happened to Isabella's children.

We shall hope that no one ever has to go through something like this again.

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15-in ur pumkin patch, destroyin ur childhood

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sob, and people wonder why I feel like punching him for half of his tags.

Raikov will gladly do it for you? (along with a crotchgrab)

1/2

Hammer says nokthnx

Raikov says too bad bb.

No, no. Really, it's okay. Raikov doesn't need to trouble himself with it.

Aww. XD

Nono, it's lovely of you to offer, but he cannot say no forcefully enough.

Too bad. *badtouches*

1/2

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/turns up the sweet-talk to 11

*facepalm*

DID HE MENTION THAT HE WANTS YOU SAFE? 8B

WHY? SO SHE DOESN'T DIE EXTRA? ...That felt mean.

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[voice] backdating for great justice

Of course, dear. Great justice and great lols.

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Too bad. badtouches

facepalm