amansgottadowhat: (It's me! I'm so excited.)
[Voice Post]

We were both so good.

[/Voice Post]
amansgottadowhat: (Guess what these are not)
[Voice Post]

Citizens! There appear to be a great number of you who are lost; the results of a curse, no doubt. But don't fret, I, Captain Hammer, will do my best to assure that each and every one of you is returned to your rightful place.

[/Voice Post]

[OoC: Yeah, he'll probably get lost too. 8) Expect backdation, I won't be able to tag until Saturday night. Have a happy new year, everyone!]
amansgottadowhat: (There's plenty of me to go around)
[Video Post]

[he is on a small stand, relishing in the moment] Ladies, ladies, please. There's no need to squabble so much. You can all have a fair shot at me so long as you bid right. And who knows, maybe if I'm feeling generous, I'll let a couple of you win and you can all collect your winnings.

But let's start the bidding now. We'll start it low, maybe, say, a violet and go from there? Or maybe you can even [pause for effect] barter with me a little.

[/Video Post]
amansgottadowhat: (Why are you on me?)
[Video Post]

Hammer stands in front of the video, and there is a sheep standing barely off-screen. "Greetings. As most of you are aware of by now, there is an infestation of unheard proportions. The sheep appear to be related to the series of curses from last month, when we were given the option to kill them to save ourselves." The sheep wanders closer to the camera, all the while chewing on some grass, appearing to find Hammer intriguing, as it precedes to stare at him, unblinkingly.

"Some of the sheep out there have a te-ndency to bite," if you listen carefully, you will notice that there was a little bit of a strain in his voice, or a trick of the recording, "and their bites have proven to be dangerous. If your friend has been bitten, please quarantine them, and make sure that you are safe. I-" he glances at the sheep, "will assist anyone who needs assistance. I am off for now."

As he turns off the camera, the sheep lets out a bleat.

[/Video Post]

[OoC: He didn't kill a sheep, and that's not a curse-sheep, but it's staaaaaring at him, cause he was two seconds from killing one.]
amansgottadowhat: (Let me tell you what I know)
[Video Post]

Hammer is standing in front of the camera, and you can practically see the invisible podium from the stance he's in. "Citizens, a word, if you will. There is a lot of thievery going on today, and I, for one, won't take it. I understand that people get jealous sometimes, but that's no reason to go out and rob a person.

Because, you see, when you rob someone of their possessions, you're also robbing their souls. And that's against the law." As he makes his point, he moves a little, and near his window the observant will notice a framed piece of paper. If you look at it more, although the camera cuts off most of the view, you can see that it is granting the holder an
'hD in
ribleness'.

"Thank you, and remember my words."

[/Video Post]
amansgottadowhat: (There's plenty of me to go around)
Inadvertently put on the network )

So, I see that some of you have become quite the authors, eh? Well, definitely one of the more harmless curses, I'll give it that. But some of you might wish to keep your works to yourselves.

[OoC: It reads as anonymous, but is very easily traceable to his device. Strikes visible. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and saying this was handwritten; apparently his device has great spellcheck. This may be the greatest thing I've ever written.]
amansgottadowhat: (Let me tell you what I know)
[Private//Off the Network]

A year. I couldn't bear to deal with it yesterday, remembering I've been here for a year. With all that's happened, with Horrible, and Penny and- and that ticking that never goes away. At least I know what it must be like to be that mouse from the nursery rhyme and the clock. Except my tail wasn't cut off. Not that I have a tail, of course, but- oh just look at what this has done to me, I can't think. I need to get out of here, out of this apartment and out of this City! But, I suppose if I can't leave, I might be able to get some other tail.

Figuratively speaking, of course. I'd like to have sex.

[/Private]

[Voice Post]

Oh, well, love seems to be in the air today, doesn't it? How curious, as usually this weather doesn't seem to inhibit that sort of behavior, especially around this time of yea-

Oh. Oh my, how silly of me. I seem to have forgotten something. This is the twenty-seventh, but I arrived in the City January twenty-sixth! I've already been here an entire year. Perhaps this weather does have something to it, eh?

My friends, I am so grateful for you all, thank you so much for helping me through this hard year. Perhaps some of us could do someo-thing together today?

[/Voice Post]

[OoC: Feel free to have anyone crush on him or whatnot. It's all good. Pretend this was up way earlier. Happy Hammer-versary!]
amansgottadowhat: (Why are you on me?)
Want to know what irks me to no end? Evil. Evil is everywhere! In the City, back home, on all of our worlds, it might even be your roommate.

There are people out there who kill, and injure people, just for fun! And so many say that the deities are evil, and quite frankly, I understand why. It's horrible what they do, what they make us do day to day. But there are worse.

Worse are the people who deceive the rest of us, by playing the victim. By pretending that they're not all that evil, but let me tell you, they might say that it's different now, but they're liars! And remember, even the littlest crime or, say, bank-robbery, should be taken seriously, and are not to be ignored. Keep your eyes peeled.

[OoC: He's been watching the network, and figuring out the curse; he does feel the need to rant a little bit, but- he's mainly faking. Jerk.]
amansgottadowhat: (Punching in the face of justice!)
[Voice/Video Post]

[He is pretty thoroughly covered in pumpkin bits, and seems out of breath] I-It was terrible. There was this huge pumpkin, it had some sort of great big symbol on its front. I don't know where it came from, but . . .

But it carried a blue blanket that seemed to belong to a child! The fiend. It must have gotten to him before I could get to it. [He directs his next line, rather unnecessarily, towards the sky.] My finishing blow was for YOU small, helpless child! [and then, more normally, as he lays the blanket down, almost like a grave] I'm so exhausted, but- I shall lay this down here, in memoriam.

Unless there is someone else that requires my help, I think I need to lay down. [If you strain very, very hard, you can hear a mumbled 'and a shower' before the feed gets cut off.]

[OoC: NO, I DID NOT MAKE A THINLY VEILED REFERENCE TO "IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN," WHY DO YOU ASK?]

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Captain Hammer

January 2020

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