When you're the best

I have known many a Jew back home over the course of my life. From what I gather of this holiday that they have, what's upcoming is not pretty. There is much talk about these sheep roaming around and what needs to be done in order to protect oneself.

I, of course, would not be participating, as I don't believe in any of this, but as a hero, if any of you so desire to be shielded by the so-called protection of the blood, I will do it, and allow you to hold lodging in my apartment. Just say the word, and it shall be done.

[OoC: For the love of god, someone please stop him from literally tearing open a sheep. He is seriously freaking out on the inside.]

[Private//Off the Network]

A year. I couldn't bear to deal with it yesterday, remembering I've been here for a year. With all that's happened, with Horrible, and Penny and- and that ticking that never goes away. At least I know what it must be like to be that mouse from the nursery rhyme and the clock. Except my tail wasn't cut off. Not that I have a tail, of course, but- oh just look at what this has done to me, I can't think. I need to get out of here, out of this apartment and out of this City! But, I suppose if I can't leave, I might be able to get some other tail.

Figuratively speaking, of course. I'd like to have sex.

[/Private]

[Voice Post]

Oh, well, love seems to be in the air today, doesn't it? How curious, as usually this weather doesn't seem to inhibit that sort of behavior, especially around this time of yea-

Oh. Oh my, how silly of me. I seem to have forgotten something. This is the twenty-seventh, but I arrived in the City January twenty-sixth! I've already been here an entire year. Perhaps this weather does have something to it, eh?

My friends, I am so grateful for you all, thank you so much for helping me through this hard year. Perhaps some of us could do someo-thing together today?

[/Voice Post]

[OoC: Feel free to have anyone crush on him or whatnot. It's all good. Pretend this was up way earlier. Happy Hammer-versary!]

Ah, our usual visitors again. You are, indeed, here longer than times past. A lucky thing, to be sure.

I'm just oh so flattered that you'd take time out of your busy schedule to come and visit me. It's so nice of you all. If you'd care for a drink or something or a place to rest your feet, I'm sure that the visitor's center wouldn't have a problem with accommodating you.

It's run by my wonderful girlfriend Penny. Yes, yes, I understand some of you are very disappointed, but it is true that I am taken by Penny. But the least I could do for you is to escort you there, I suppose.

[OoC: No telling him of what happens after he's un-frozen. As is tradition for me, here is an amusing link for you all.]

I recall a time back home, where there was some plan to take over a dedication ceremony the mayor was holding for the Superhero Memorial Bridge. I happened to get a gut feeling about it, and asked the local police force to provide me with extra backup, just so that they'd be able to apprehend the transgressor.

As he was about to fire off some gadget he brought, I picked up an empty car and threw the vehicle at his head, subsequently halting his attack, and things were able to proceed as regularly scheduled.

Funnily enough, I can't remember the perpetrator's identity, but then again, I suppose that if I can't, they really weren't all that worth it to remember.

[Accidental Voice Post]

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Ah-hah hah . . . So, Mayor, how was tha- youuuuu aren’t here anymore, are you? Penny? Adoring fans? Smelly guy? Where’d you all go? And how did you bring the auditorium with you?

This place doesn’t look familiar at all. But never fear, good citizens! For I, Captain Hammer, am here to save you all from any danger that you might be in! And then after that’s done, I can go back to the dedication and look at my handsome, heroic self in the form of a rock.

. . . The rock is shaped like me; it’s a statue.

But for now, I’ll stand down from my podium, in order to see each of your individual faces more clearly, so that you may all become closer to me, Captain Hammer.