48-Internal views of Captain Hammer; the not squishy or gross kind

[amansgottadowhat]

[Video Post]

And here we have the very impressive Captain Hammer. Thank you for speaking with me, Captain.

Oh, please. You can call me Hammer.

Oh, well, alright. Hammer. Is that your real name?

Oh, it's real. Real enough to be feared by the villains that have enough sense.

And those that don't have enough?

They learn soon enough.

Ah-hah, yes. So, you are definitely a superhero? Tell us about that. What can you do?

I am indeed! I have the powers of super-strength, and all that which comes with it. Of course, I prefer to call it strength- and that's just super. [He laughs heartily, and is joined by the interviewer a little bit.]

That's pretty impressive, all the same! You must be able to do some pretty amazing things with it.

You know, Justin-

Jason.

Of course. You know, Jason, I get that a lot. And every time, I just say, "Thank you, you're absolutely right, but I am but one terrific person. It's the public that really helps in the long-run. I just take care of the trash. Help tidy up some of the bigger-picture things that are around."

Well that's certainly a new attitude to it all.

Allow me to finish. "I am the mover of furniture to your polish. I, the splendid book cover, keeping in the ink-laden pages of information, you, the pages that are written on. You plant the seeds of life in your help, and I cut them with a lawnmower."

Uh, that's very- well maybe we can cut some of that out later- you're in the City now. So, that's very new for you, isn't it? Can you tell us your favorite part about being in the City?

[His smile freezes] Well, the wonderful people that I've met and befriended, of course.

Mhmm. Anything else?

[The smile stays frozen, and right as you think you can make it out to be falling into an angry sneer, the camera stops taping.]

[/Video Post]

[Text Post]

I can't imagine what happened, all of a sudden he said he had another appointment and rushed off like the dickens! Oh well, another time, perhaps.

[/Text Post]

[OoC: Blue=interviewer, normal text=Hammer.]

Comments

[designedtoparty]

So, one thing thing I've always wondered about super strength... how do you masturbate without yanking your dick off?

[Video]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

What an outrageous question! You seek to mock me, do you? What is your name, ruffian?

[Video]

[designedtoparty]

I'm not mocking you! It's a serious question.

It's Nathan.

[Video]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

Well, Nathan, [if that is his real name] do you talk to all members of authority like that?

[Video]

[designedtoparty]

I do, as a matter of fact.

But I notice you still haven't answered my question. Does that mean you've already pulled it off? Or did you just happen to be born without one?

[Video]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

I refuse to answer such audacity. However, I will say that I can control my strength more than you appear to be able to control your mouth.

[OoC: Keywords relevant. Also, headcanon is that he doesn't; he has too many women lined up for him to need to. :|b]

[Video]

[designedtoparty]

Hey, I haven't given you any audacity. A man can't just be curious now?

[ooc: Oh, how Nathan would envy him if he knew...]

[Video]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

I don't know what's common in your world, but in mine we don't disregard the rules of what is acceptable to talk about in public.

[OoC: He should be envious anyway. I mean, just look at that handsome face and amazing strength and charm etc etc, his words not mine.]

[Video]

[designedtoparty]

Masturbation is perfectly normal, healthy behaviour for any man. And maybe women. It's not my fault society still suffers from a crippling fear of hairy palms if your cock gives so much as a twitch in public.

[ooc: Why would he be? Look at him. He's beautiful. Also his words, not mine.]

Re: [Video]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

Whether or not it is normal, it is not a proper discussion topic.

[OoC: Touche. They are at a stalemate. Mine, this time.]

[Video]

[designedtoparty]

Because you don't have one?

[ooc: I suspect if we asked either of them, the winner would depend on who was asked.]

1/2

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

Those who need to know, know. You are very much not one of them.

[Video]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

[There is a pause of thirty seconds before a second response is posted.]

Those who need to know are women. Which is why you're not one of the people that need to know. You're male.

[OoC: Neither of them is particularly of the 'everyone's a winner' theory, are they?]

[Video]

[designedtoparty]

So you don't have one! That's classic.

What are you, then? Male or female?

[ooc: Not especially, no.]

[Video]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

I am most assuredly male! You even dare- What could you possibly think that would make you think otherwise?

[Video]

[designedtoparty]

You're avoiding my questions. Which, you know, kind of points to me thinking you're not.

[Video]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

Are you suggesting that you'd like me to prove it?

[Video]

[designedtoparty]

Are you suggesting you want to expose yourself to me? You sick bastard!

JKDSHFKJSDH THAT ICON. THOSE KEYWORDS.

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

You're the one whose mind went that route. Perhaps it is the pot calling the pan black?

CANON, MAN.

[designedtoparty]

No, this is the pot calling the pan cockless.

THOSE KEYWORDS ARE CANON DIALOGUE? SHIT, NOW I HAVE TO PUT MISFITS ON MY LIST.

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

If I were not a man, would I be able to do- this?

[He puts the device down on the floor, flexing his muscles as he pulls a rather large oak, that's probably been there for hundreds of years and this single-handedly disturbing a multitude of ecosystems within the tree itself, completely out of the ground, roots and all. He looks cocky. As in, better than you, Nathan, not full of cocks.]

Well. Technically I think it was "I'm milking YOU", but same difference. :|

[designedtoparty]

I reckon there are women who could do that.

[He does look impressed, though, so there's that.]

asdfjhkjhdas +Misfits to list

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

Oh, there are. [He not-so-gently sets it down] Penelope Pruner, for one. But she looked nothing like me. Rather different attire.

:D

[designedtoparty]

And a little more gifted in the chest department, I'm guessing.

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

If you mean she was female, then yes, she was.

[designedtoparty]

I know she was female, genius. I gathered that from the she thing. I just meant she was more female than you.

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

Well, quite a few people are more female than I am. All women, for example.

[designedtoparty]

Hey, now. There's no need to put yourself down like that. I'm sure there are loads of women who are way more butch than you are.

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

I fail to see how that is putting myself down.

[designedtoparty]

Look, with something like super strength it must be hard to believe in your femininity. I get that. You see all those other girls around you picking flowers, but you can pick up trees.

But no matter what they say to you, you're as much a woman as the rest of them. And one day, a man will gaze into your eyes and tell you just how beautiful you are.

1/2

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

[dkjfhsd Squicking at that last part, ohgod, ew.]

[horrible-protag.livejournal.com]

I am not a woman. I am a man. A rather masculine man, if I do say so myself.

And I do.